Sex vs Intimacy

Seven sins

We probably live today in one of the most sex-saturated times throughout history.

Sex with prostitutes might not be a common past-time in America but in parts of Asia, fuel by sex tourism, it much more common.

And, think about it, perhaps you aren’t having sex but you’re watching people doing it (this also includes nudity) on television. Does indulging in voyeurism mean that our present day culture is any less hedonistic than cultures of yore?

Articles tell us about how to measure our “performance” using physical metrics. Size, frequency, duration and number of partners.

They might even allude to the spiritual and/or emotional aspects of the act, the benefits to a relationship, etc, etc. But the world ultimately view it as an “act”.

But it is so much more. I believe a better way to view it is through a Biblical perspective.

The concept I’m talking about here is intimacy. In my mind, I see a link between intimacy and exclusivity. And exclusivity is a common thread that runs throughout the Bible. (A related concept is being chosen)

God demands our exclusive devotion. He will not share us with other gods.

Holiness is being set apart for God, exclusively.

Related to that is the concept of something being devoted to God, to be exclusively used for/by God.

Noah and his family were chosen, exclusively, to survive the flood.

Out of all the nations, Abraham and his descendants were chosen, to exclusively be called God’s people.

Christ is to be our head, our bridegroom. No-one else is to take His place, the relationship is exclusive.

The marriage analogy is used to describe the relationship between Christ and His church. And marriage itself is also exclusive.

Exclusivity can be liken to being first. There can only be “one” first. Only one “most” favourite. If someone asks you what’s your favourite ice-cream and you roll off a list of several flavours then you don’t have a (clear) favourite. You have lots of likes.

I would define intimacy as an outcome, a result of exclusivity. When you are in an exclusive relationship, intimacy develops. You have someone you share you thoughts and feelings with, more so than with any other person. And when you decide to commit to that person, to say that you wish that relationship to continue for as long as you live, you get married. (In my opinion not wanting to get married is saying you don’t want to spent the rest of your life with someone, because that’s what marriage is – wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life and making that statement publicly).

And I believe that sex is the physical manifestation of that exclusive intimate relationship. Which should occur after the commitment and not before. That’s why we should avoid pre-marital sex.

And we should also avoid extra-marital sex. Because if you do the “act” outside of marriage, then it demotes and demeans sex within marriage.

You basically become a liar, because what you have done is – though you have publicly committed to being exclusive with someone – you have broken that exclusivity, you have been unfaithful. And worse, you have taken the ultimate expression of that exclusivity and intimacy and made it non-exclusive.

Sex is more than an act, it is much much more than that. But if you only view it as an “act” (be it purely physical, or also mental / spiritual) that can be done with more than one person then that will be all that it can be for you.

One step at a time

steps-start-up

Men are terrible multitaskers in my opinion. Which makes them badly suited to the modern times that we live in?

There are a multitude of things we need to do, in a variety of arenas.

And the pressure is on to do well in all of them.

To top it off, what needs to be done, and how, is constantly changing.

We tend to think about modern business as all about the pursuit of money.

But when you think about it money is just a medium of exchange.

What are really being fought over are resources. The ability to command people’s time and priorities. (Because in the pursuit of money defines our time and hence our priorities, at least to some extent.)

What we give our time to, what we prioritise over others, what we are DEVOTED to. Doesn’t that sound like worship?

As has been mentioned we fight against powers and principalities, why should we be surprised that in our modern era where the supernatural is poo-pooed (unless it is in fiction, on screen or in books) that they should disguise themselves as modern corporations, institutions and entities.

Against this backdrop of indecision and indecisiveness, as modern emasculated men, fighting against powers and things beyond our understanding, what chance do we have?

If we were on our own, or bandied with other mere mortals, the chances are slim.

But praise be to God that we are not alone. We have One who fights on our side. Constantly interceding on our behalf against the evil one. And not only is He a perfect role model for humanity, He is the Perfect Man and perfector of our faith.

Do not be discouraged. Remember that salvation happens in an instant but that sanctification takes a lifetime. Let’s take it step by step. And let us not walk alone; He is always there, waiting to walk alongside.

And let us also walk with each other, and encourage one another – praying without ceasing that His Will be done and for one another.